So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
