I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
