3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
