I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
