if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
