I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
