She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
