We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
