Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
