420 ftw
just tell him i said nine months
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
