Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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