My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
