Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
