My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
