Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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