i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
