I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
