the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
