hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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