Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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