I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
