she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
