If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize