chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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