Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
