do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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