I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
