This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
