I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
