you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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