you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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