We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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