he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
