All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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