I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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