Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize