im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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