you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
