He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
