remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
