woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your cock deserves a montage
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
