You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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