I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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