she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
