She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
