Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
