after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
