In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
