The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
