porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
