In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
