her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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