meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
