i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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