i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
