Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
