don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize