if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
