I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I believe in your delicious
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
