Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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