You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
