Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize