well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
