this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize