I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
