i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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