How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize