Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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