it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
