It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
