do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
