Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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