Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
barbara walters just said penis...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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