Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
