just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
