I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
