3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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