Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
