Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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