I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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