9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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