70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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