Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
