I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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